Contents of article "’Beyond the Hedge’ Chapter 1 Part 2"
’Beyond the Hedge’
When Alfie emerged from the shadow of Old Rook Wood the first thing he noticed was the odd behaviour of the pedigree flock of strunties that were out to pasture in the lush meadow at the north end of the wood.
Strunties are a cross between fairy sheep and elven pigs and they are cute with a capital ‘C’. Their fleeces are as smooth as the most expensive silk and their gloriously soft wool is highly prized.
By nature strunties are docile, amiable creatures but if they are threatened in any way they become over-excited and extremely silly. They snort and bleat as loud as they can in an attempt to scare off potential predators.
The elf realised something was causing them major stress, judging by the racket, but there was no clue as to what it might be. He reacted to a sound behind him and discovered Grimpen, the dignified leader of the royal wolf pack, at his side. He was certainly not the cause of their distress, strunties and wolves are the firmest of friends. The wolves take care of the flock and strunties are not on their menu.
Life is never perfect, sadly, and the wee beasts do have some pretty unpleasant enemies. Struntie steaks are highly prized by some of the more disagreeable elements of Sylvanian society and there is a sizeable reward for information leading to the arrest of anyone who harms, never mind eats, a struntie.
Grimpen and his pack take their responsibilities seriously and operate a round-the-clock patrol. Nothing can ever be left to chance for the flock belongs to the Sylvanian Fairy Queen. They are one of Her Majesty’s ‘Special Projects’.
Grimpen had a grave expression on his wise face. “I’ve no idea what’s happened, but the Boundary Warden is very concerned. Our security has been breached and your Uncle Angus was spotted rushing off from the scene with a mighty peculiar look on his face.”
“I might have known. He always seems to invite trouble. I wonder what he’s been up to this time; it doesn’t bear thinking about. Another magic spell that’s gone wrong, most likely. I’ve tried to persuade him to put his wand out of harm’s way, but you know Angus, he’s a stubborn, carnaptious old devil.”
The wolf laid a reassuring paw on Alfie’s arm. “Everybody knows what he’s like. We don’t call him ‘Steam and Whistles’ for nothing.”
The elf laughed in spite of himself. “Maybe Angus is not to blame for this, but perhaps I’d better not get my hopes up.”
“That’s probably wise,” said the wolf.
Pogo and her little dog had just come out of the wood and were making good progress across the field. They too had fallen victim to Marta the Banshee.
Grimpen raised his noble head and let out a long, plaintive howl. Wolves appeared from every direction and in a twinkling encircled the flock. The pack leader nodded his satisfaction at their speed and efficiency. He knew his wolves were the best but there was never room for complacency. They were living in dangerous times.
Hosepipe Snout the Hairy Hedgehorn was very upset. As Boundary Warden he had raised the alarm twice with three loud blasts. In the whole of Sylvania there is no one who can outblast him. His snout is a finely tuned instrument which is why he holds one of the most prestigious jobs in a land where security is paramount.
Sylvania is protected by massive, constantly changing, impassable hedges which are the ideal habitat for hairy hedgehorns, the only creatures who can penetrate their restless, thorny interiors.
Hedgehorns are equipped with sharp spines like a garden hedgehog. They also have copious amounts of long, coarse hair which proves very useful if they’re attacked by some nasty piece of work who thinks they’d make a quick, tasty snack. The hapless creature is likely to receive a mouthful of barbed spines for its trouble, with a blood-curdling fanfare of snout-blasts thrown in at no extra cost. Hairy hedgehorns have the ultimate body armour, with that built-in element of surprise.
Hosepipe Snout was used to sleeping peacefully in his cosy bed of twigs and leaves, but he was in for some sleepless nights if he didn’t get to the bottom of this breach of security, pronto. He was relieved to see the familiar little trio coming towards him.
Pongo enjoyed the company of his friend the hedgehorn and made as if to chase him. They liked nothing better than a bit of play fighting when Hosepipe Snout was off duty.
Pogo Pixie was quick to intervene. “Not just now, boy,” she said, gently restraining him. “He’s very busy. Some other time, eh?”
The dog was disappointed but he could tell the hedgehorn was engaged in matters serious.
Wee Alfie Elf is well regarded for his sound common sense. He holds the strictly unofficial post of adviser to the Fairy Queen who firmly believes the royal household must never lose touch with the needs of the people. Alfie provides a valuable link between Queen Celestina and her subjects and he’s not afraid to speak his mind.
Hosepipe Snout scuffled towards the group with his brows knitted together in a deep frown.
“It’s an awful carry-on, WAE. I haven’t known anything like this since that mix up years back when the rat came through at his original size. One minute the rehearsal for Sandy’s visit’s going beautifully and the next everything’s gone pear-shaped. It’s an absolute disgrace and we so rarely have visitors from ‘Woodburn’.” He stopped to catch his breath. “Did I say pear-shaped? Cat-shaped would have been a more accurate description but it all happened so quickly, so unexpectedly.”
Pongo reacted eagerly to the word cat. Maybe things were looking up after all.
Alfie paced backwards and forwards with his hands clasped behind his back. “Are you telling me a cat accidentally came through from ‘Woodburn’ and wasn’t even miniaturised?”
The hedgehorn fell in step with him. “I only caught a brief glimpse but I’m pretty sure it was Leo. He was definitely Sylvanian sized, thank goodness. We’ve had enough problems with the Giant Rat.”
Alfie abruptly came to a halt. “Uncle Angus must have had a hand in this. It bears all the hallmarks of his recent, unpredictable magic.”
The hedgehorn sighed. “I’m afraid he was here. He shouldn’t have been as it was a restricted area, but the old buzzard won’t be told. I’m sorry, that was rude of me. He is your uncle, after all, and a highly respected spell weaver in his day.”
“Don’t trouble yourself, I’ve heard Angus called worse. He’s impossible these days. Maybe something on this scale will make him stop and think. We can only live in hope. In the meantime I must find out what he’s been up to.”
“You really have no idea where the cat is?” Pogo said, cutting to the chase. “He must be very confused and frightened.”
“I don’t have a clue and, to make matters worse, I caught a brief glimpse of Sandy who saw the whole thing. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the cat was understandably traumatised. To be met by me raising the alarm at the top of my snout was too much for him. He was so shocked, he bolted. There are patrols searching for him as we speak. What a trying business, it’s nothing short of a catastrophe.”
“A ‘cat’astrophe indeed,” said Alfie with the ghost of a smile.
Sandy was startled by the sound of snapping twigs and whirled round to see what was going on. She was surprised to find her Dad coming towards her and her eyebrows shot up even further when she noticed the crow sitting on his shoulder.
Ralph saw the look on her face and in a hasty whisper suggested Jock ought to refrain from speaking. The crow readily agreed. The morning had been strange enough already for her.
Sandy spoke first. “I’m so glad you’re here, Dad, but shouldn’t you be at the Harbour Office and what on earth’s Jock doing on your shoulder?” She recognised the bird by the distinctive patch of white feathers on his chest. He’d always been a cheeky bird, but never that cheeky.
Ralph waited to see what else she’d say before he was forced to answer her questions.
She didn’t even hesitate. “Something really odd happened a wee while ago and I swear I’m not making this up. Leo disappeared when he walked through that arch over there and I’m dreadfully worried about him. I don’t know where he is now or how to begin to search for him.”
Ralph sat down on an old tree stump and beckoned his daughter over. “As it happens, I do know what’s going on and I’m pretty sure we’ll be able to find Leo, but there are a few things I need to explain first. You remember I promised you’d meet Wee Alfie Elf and Pogo Pixie one day?”
“Yes,” she replied with a bewildered smile, “but that was years ago and I’ve known for ages you were pulling my leg.” Jock leant forward on Ralph’s shoulder, his bright, beady eyes fixed on her face. She glanced at the crow then back at her father. “Has Jock got anything to do with this?”
“Yes, he has, but I’ll get to that later. Those bedtime stories I told you about the fairy folk who lived in our garden were exactly that, stories. But, and this is a very big ‘but’, I didn’t invent the characters and when I said you’d meet them all one day, I wasn’t kidding. They’re as real as we are, although they’re an awful lot smaller, with the exception of the Giant Rat who’s…em, rat sized.” Ralph paused to let what he’d said sink in. “It looks like you’re going to get to know them sooner than I’d thought. I was expecting to have more time to prepare you for your visit which was arranged for half term, but after the shenanigans here this morning, you’ll have to leave early. Jock came to fetch me when he saw what happened to Leo.”
His daughter’s open-mouthed expression was nothing short of comical.
The crow was fit to burst and couldn’t contain himself any longer. “I flew down to the harbour as soon as I…”
A broad grin spread across Sandy’s face. “Whatever next, a talking crow! What a birthday this is turning out to be.”
“Thank heavens for that,” said Jock with a satisfied chuckle. “It’s been an awful strain keeping my beak zipped.”
“I’m sure it has,” said Ralph with a knowing smile. “You’ll have to go after Leo straight away. I wish I could come with you, Sandy, but I can’t. Only children are allowed to visit Sylvania. I was lucky enough to go there myself a long time ago to search for the Craw Cauldron. It was stolen and Alfie and Pogo helped me get it back. It’s not just an old heirloom; it has some very special powers and was a gift from the Sylvanian Royal Family to our ancestor Rory Craw who helped rid them of a terrible evil.”
Jock chimed in. “My cousin Crawford will have to bring forward all the arrangements. I’ll introduce you to him myself and naturally you’ll be staying with Alfie and Pogo while you’re away. You have some dear friends in Sylvania who, frankly, can’t wait to meet you.”
Sandy was as still as a statue but her emotions were in turmoil.
The family’s chocolate and cream Siamese cat had turned up and was rubbing himself against her legs. Ralph leant forward and tickled him behind the ear. “Perhaps Jamie could go with you. What do you think, Jock? He’s devoted to Leo and if anyone stands a chance of finding him, he might just be the one.”
“We’ll need special clearance. Sandy is expected but after the carry-on with Leo, who knows? I’d better go right away and see how the land lies. I’ll be back before you know it.”
The crow flew towards the old archway and vanished as he passed under the roses and honeysuckle.
Crawford was waiting for his cousin on the Sylvanian side of the arch. “Thank goodness you’ve come. What a to-do! We were running through the procedure for Sandy’s visit when that silly old fool stuck his wand in where it wasn’t wanted. It really is too bad and the whole thing’s a total mess. And, can we find him or the cat? Absolutely not. Mark my words, Angus has gone too far this time. Queen Celestina is very forgiving but I hope she’ll put her dainty little foot down this time. He really does need squashing.”
Crawford straightened his bow tie fretfully and the monocle fell from his left eye. “Would you look at the state I’m in, my nerves are in shreds!”
“It’s not that disastrous, surely? Leo’s just a cat.”
“That’s easy for you to say, but there have been a lot of changes since you last deigned to pay us a visit. Sylvania is not the happy-go-lucky place it once was. We have treachery in our midst. Can you imagine what that might mean for all of us? Sandy’s visit was very much touch and go, but there’s no going back now. Queen Celestina is determined she’ll come, particularly in view of Leo’s unscheduled trip, so that’s that. You know how she is if her mind’s made up. Her Majesty can be very pernickety and she’s insisting on the full festivities.” He shook his head anxiously. “My priority is to find the cat at the earliest opportunity and send him home again where he belongs. If I have my way, the child will go straight back with him. There’s too much at stake but, sadly, that’s not for me to decide.”
Crawford repositioned his monocle and cleared his throat. “I’m sorry about that outburst, it was most unprofessional. You’ll be wanting an audience with Her Majesty. I’ll just call ahead and make sure she’s ready to receive you.”
He pulled a crumpled leather-like object from the pocket of his waistcoat and gave it a good shake. “Come on now, I know you prefer the nightshift, but this is urgent.”
The bundle slowly unfolded its umbrella-like wings and hung on clawed feet from the dapper little crow’s wing tip. A small pair of eyes blinked sleepily at Crawford.
“Bat mail,” he said, nudging Jock with his other wing. “Moriarty, dear boy, please let the palace know my cousin has arrived and be quick about it. My pocket awaits your speedy return.” He shook the bat into the air and watched him fly off towards the Sylvanian capital, Corvine, which is in the shire of Crawdonia.
Jock and Crawford moved away from the enchanted boundary hedge where their two worlds touched towards the bank of the Sprinting River which at this point, contrary to its name, meanders through fertile fields of maize and watermelons which grow abundantly in the sunlight of the Sapphire Valley.
The river enters Moonglow Lake before tumbling out over the Flighty Fairy Falls on its way to Corvine where it is joined by its tributaries, the Pinkie and the Bloodrock. The Sprinting River canters cheerfully through the capital into the natural harbour before it reaches its final destination in the Whiteraven Sea.
On a precipitous outcrop overlooking Corvine and its busy port sits the whimsical confection that is the royal palace.
Queen Celestina received Moriarty personally in her private drawing room. She playfully spun the bat around her bejewelled wrist, much to the wee chap’s delight. “I shall return you to Crawford personally,” she said airily. “It must be business as usual. The arrangements for Sandy’s visit have been in place for weeks. It would give out entirely the wrong message if we were to cancel now.”
She tossed her mane of blue-black hair in a defiant gesture and flounced onto the balcony in a swirl of silk and lace. Those flamenco dance classes were starting to pay off.
The palace guard of red and gold liveried imps leapt to attention at the sound of her voice.
“Prepare Kismet at once and ask the Royal Raven to tell Crawford that I shall greet Sandy and Jamie personally.” The Queen attached the bat to the shaft of her wand and twiddled him round to check he was hanging securely. “And make sure Crawford knows I’m looking after Moriarty.” Her voice softened and she smiled warmly. “We wouldn’t want Daddy to worry, would we, cutie-pie?”
“Fetch the Royal Steed,” shouted Twitchett, the Captain of the Impfantry. The rotund, rosy-cheeked officer turned to a freckle-faced imp at his side. “You boy, summon the Royal Raven. I want to brief her for a very important mission.”
“Yes, sir,” said the imp. He turned smartly on his heel and marched towards the raven’s luxurious quarters above the barracks. He climbed the spiral staircase which gives access to Indigoletta’s suite of rooms for those unfortunates who don’t have the power of flight. The imp knocked on the carved oak door and called through the bevelled grill. “The Captain of the Impfantry would like to see you right away, ma’am.”
The Royal Raven was perched in a walnut tree in the beautiful roof garden conservatory that adjoins her spacious apartments. She called out imperiously, “If you wish to speak to me I insist on seeing your face.”
The inexperienced foot soldier swallowed nervously. Crumbs! An audience with the Royal Raven. What the heck, might as well get it over with. He turned the ornate handle and pushed the door open. “Don’t be silly,” he mumbled to himself. “It’s only a bird.”
Indigoletta’s reputation was formidable. She never suffers fools and can’t abide inefficiency of any sort.
The imp was dazzled by his splendid surroundings and his eyes busily took in everything as he walked uncertainly through the hall towards the conservatory.
“I’m here, boy.” He looked up at the tree where the majestic bird was seated. “What’s your name?”
“It’s Will, ma’am.”
The raven was the colour of a perfectly ripe aubergine and just as shiny.
Indigoletta introduced herself. “Now that we’re on first name terms, Will, go and tell Twitchett I’ll receive him in my quarters. If that pompous little twerp thinks he can summon me then he’s barking up the wrong tree.”
The lad sniggered at her involuntary joke and the raven gave a throaty laugh. “I’m too funny for my own good.”
“Not at all, ma’am,” he replied with a shy smile.
“You’ll go far, dear boy. I can feel it in m’feathers. I’m never wrong, you know.” Indigoletta had a flash of inspiration. “Perhaps you might like to work for me. How’s that for an idea?”
Will knew he was facing a life-changing situation and wasn’t about to let it slip through his fingers. “It would be an honour to serve you, ma’am.”
The imp didn’t know what to make of these whirlwind changes in his circumstances but he knew life was definitely going to be a lot more interesting.
“I don’t know what your position will be yet, but I pay my staff well. You’ll be much better off than you were in the Impfantry, and the perks are excellent.” The great bird beamed at him. “Run along and tell Twitchett about your promotion, and have the little fool report to me at once.”
Will was feeling extremely chipper. Indigoletta seemed to have it in for his old boss which was fine with him.
If you can soar into the air on a whim, then perhaps the Impfantry does seem rather limited and pathetic by comparison.
There were stirrings deep in the enchanted cave below Moonglow Lake. A spider dropped silently on a thread from a formation of stalactites on the roof and hung by the right ear of the huge snake who was slumbering in a coil that encircled the most magnificent gemstone. The Giant Sapphire was glowing gently as it cast a benign blue light across the other treasures heaped around the vast cavern.
Wooden chests overflowed with rubies, diamonds, emeralds and doubloons. Heaps of pearls, iridescent opals, zircons, jade, lapis lazuli and gold nuggets lay in glorious profusion next to chunks of quartz crystal, amethyst and aquamarine.
In the far corner, by the inner entrance to the cavern, was a black and white bird. She was diligently polishing moonstones and placing them in an intricately carved ebony casket.
Morgana the magpie whistled contentedly while she worked in the positively charged atmosphere of the cave. This was one happy and fulfilled bird. She adored all things sparkly, glittery and shiny, so this cave was a dream come true. Hey, they even paid her to keep the whole shebang catalogued and in immaculate order.
The spider cleared his throat. “SSS, it’s time to shake your tail. Morgana is ready to attend to the Giant Sapphire, if that’s OK with you. She has to knock off early today as one of the chicks has a touch of featherbane.”
The stately serpent raised his head and focussed his steady gaze on the little arachnid. His gold and blue skin gleamed in the crepuscular light of the cave. “S-s-spondoolicks, my diminutive chum, it’s more than OK. Where would we be without Morgana’s superlative dedication to the well-being of the Sapphire?” His forked tongue flicked in and out as he spoke. The spider was unmoved by this disturbing display for he had nothing to fear from the mighty reptile.
Sammy Slithering Snake, Prince of the Royal House of Cobalt-Sibilance, to give him his full handle, languorously uncoiled himself from the fabulous gem. With one practised switch of his tail he flicked his platinum and sapphire crown from its velvet cushion onto his noble head. “There now, Spondoolicks, that’s me dressed. I have some serious thinking to do, dear friend. My third eye was working tirelessly while I slept and I’ve received troubling news. I must talk to Wee Alfie Elf, so that’s where I’m headed first. I’d like to be there to meet Sandy when she arrives so I’d better get a move on.”
Sammy zig-zagged expertly through the maze of stalagmites on the cave floor and, with an ironic, “Do your worst, Morgana”, disappeared behind a wall of rock.
The magpie flew towards the Giant Sapphire and the gem began to glitter in anticipation. The colour at the heart of the stone intensified and the cavern glowed with warm peacock-blue light. She cleaned and buffed the stone, facet by facet, with a finely spun duster of struntie wool infused with lavender.
The bird worked tirelessly.
“You’re going to be very busy soon and I want you to be in good shape when SSS comes back. There’s evil around, I can feel it, can’t you?”
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