Contents of article "’Beyond the Hedge’ - Chapter 17 Part 2"
’Beyond the Hedge’
Cahoots was overjoyed to see his pals again. The reunion was necessarily low-key but emotionally charged. Sandy hugged a purring Leo to her chest before thrusting him into the creel which Lorimer readily vacated. She attached the ropes in an impressive series of knots learned from her seafaring father.
Gilbert climbed out of his rope den and sat patiently awaiting instructions. Jamie introduced himself. “You’re some size,” he said with a visible shudder. “A cat’s worst nightmare in the fur and flesh.”
“My dear chap, you’ve nothing to fear from me,” said the rat gallantly. “I’m positively delighted to meet you and hope I may return the favour one day.”
“Thank you, Gilbert, but I hope that won’t be necessary.”
“Fall in behind me, you lily-livered scoundrels,” hissed the dragon. The rat’s serene expression was wiped from his face. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist that. When you’re ready.”
They set off along the deck under cover of Cahoots and parted company with him when he fell in with a group of deckhands who were debating the merits of lobster tails as opposed to lobster claws. “The bigger the claw the sweeter the meat” sent Lorimer skittering across the deck and under a cannon.
“The rations on this tub must be pathetic,” whispered Florin. “Everyone’s obsessed with food.”
“Something we don’t have to concern ourselves with, thankfully,” said Vince.
Sandy borrowed Gilbert’s neckerchief and waved it at Pigsblanket and Pongo. The cabin boy waved back. “Here goes, Leo.”
“Bon voyage, little chum. Watch out for those crosswinds.”
“Don’t worry about me, Gilb. Take care of your own skin.”
Sandy carefully lowered the rope with the creel attached until it was hanging above the dog’s head. Pigsblanket grabbed hold of the contained cat and placed him beside Pongo who flashed his teeth in a welcoming smile. Conchita set about removing the ropes with a skilful combination of foot and beak manoeuvres in response to the dog’s detailed instructions.
“How are you when it comes to climbing backwards down a rope ladder, Gilbert?”
“Inexperienced, Sandy. If it goes horribly wrong I’ll take my chances in the sea. Would you mind giving me a leg up?” The Giant Rat put a dainty foot into her cupped hands and she heaved him onto the gunnel. Gilbert swung his rear over the side and hung precariously until his toes connected with the ladder. “Tally-ho,” he cried and began a nifty descent towards the rowing boat.
Lorimer darted out from under the cannon towards Sandy. She gathered him up just as the Bosun grabbed her from behind, pinning her arms to her side. The lobster flew out of her hands and landed awkwardly on his back, spinning like an upturned tortoise. Jamie scowled at Leitzoff from Sandy’s shoulders in an attempt to unnerve him but he needn’t have bothered. The Bosun was thinking with his stomach.
“You wasn’t about to throw that crustashun overboard, was you, lad?”
“Of course not,” she lied. “I was trying to loosen the ferocious grip he had on my arm before I handed him over. That bad-tempered lobster just savaged me, you’re welcome to him.”
Leitzoff’s attention had begun to wander and he was gazing past her. A smile spread across his grubby face.
“Here, lads, come and look at this. In all my years on the Sylvanian seas I’ve never seen the likes.”
Lorimer had managed to right himself and was high-stepping along the gunnel with Samphire sitting side-saddle on his back. The magic stars had turned themselves into a sparkly bridle and reins which the mermaid was holding. “Well, hello there,” she called to the gawping matelots. “It’s showtime!”
The lobster reared up like a circus pony and the mermaid gave a suitably refined ‘yee-hah’.
The sailors stamped and hollered their appreciation when Lorimer became a bucking bronco and Samphire added to the drama by waving an arm above her head, looking as if she might be thrown and trampled under claw at any moment.
Sandy slipped away while this preposterous spectacle was being played out. She tip-toed past Cahoots who was laying it on thick. “They’re terrific together. It would be a shame to split up such a talented double-act by eating one of them.”
“What makes you think we won’t scoff ’em both?” shouted the Bosun to a rousing cheer from his men.
“You’re not leaving so soon, surely?” Sandy spun round and found herself staring down the muzzle of a flintlock pistol. “You haven’t enjoyed my hospitality yet, unlike your ungrateful pussy-cat and his bumbling sidekick. I hope that thing round your neck has better manners. Do forgive me, I haven’t introduced myself.”
“There’s no need for that, I know who you are, Mr Grimshaw.”
The buccaneer was furious at the slur but buried his anger under a steely smile. “Don’t try to outsmart me, my dear. It’s very unwise.”
“Is that right?”
“You said that without moving your lips. I’m almost impressed.”
“Well, I’m not.”
“Neither am I.”
“Nor me,” said Sandy, deliberately adding to the confusion.
“There’s nothing to it really.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
“That’s settled then.”
“Enough!” bellowed Grimshaw, well and truly losing his cool.
“There’s no need to raise your voice, Florin.”
“I didn’t, Vince.”
“I’m sorry, it must have been someone else.”
“I’ve heard Mr Grimshaw’s loud and aggressive, perhaps it was him.”
“Surely not?”
“It wouldn’t surprise me. You know what pirates are like.”
“Don’t talk about me as if I’m not here,” screeched the buccaneer.
“Did you say something, Florin?”
“No, Vince. Perhaps it was Sandy.”
Leitzoff had turned his short attention span to his boss and the lad in the skirt, vaguely wondering if he’d missed something. There were too many voices for the number of people involved.
Pestilence had the sort of dangerous look in his eye that would have sent Jem Slack scurrying behind the bar at The Mischief Maker. “I don’t know what your game is, child, but one more word out of you and I’ll chop you into chunks.”
“Don’t rile him, lad. It’s best to do as he says.”
“And you should know more than most, eh, Leitzoff? You’re wrong about one thing though.”
“What’s that, Cap’n?” he asked warily.
“This lad, as you insist on calling him, is the female child from Scotland, you dolt. The combined brains of this crew add up to less than those in a can of sardines. Damn it, man, it’s a wonder we haven’t been murdered in our hammocks!”
“You sleep in a bunk, Cap’n, so you’d be all right.”
Grimshaw snapped and lashed out with the pistol. He caught the Bosun on the side of the head and Leitzoff stumbled backwards into Sandy. “Sorry, miss,” he said as he sank to the floor, blood running freely from the wound on his temple. “I doubt I’ll be needin’ that crustashun after all.”
She knelt down by his side and pressed a hanky to the wound. “If this is how you treat the crew of ‘The Cheeky Monkey’ no wonder the whole ship’s a shambles. You’re nothing but an arrogant bully.”
Leitzoff felt for her hand and gripped it anxiously. “Shoosh now. Let him be, that’s the only way.”
Grimshaw pulled her up by the wrist and shook her until her teeth rattled. “Here’s the deal, you little brat. If you stop being disrespectful I might just consider letting you join your friends in the rowing boat. I see you’re surprised I know about that. Did you think you could sneak around here without anyone realising what you were up to? I’m only sorry I wasn’t around to prevent Gilbert and Leo’s departure. There’s one other teensy thing. I want that treacherous, back-stabbing cabin boy. I’m tempted to demand the rat’s return as well, but I’m feeling generous.”
“I’ll never agree to that.”
“Oh, I think you will.” Grimshaw reached out and snatched Jamie from her shoulders. “What an exquisite collar. Diamond and sapphire if I’m not mistaken, but I digress. If you don’t accept my terms, I’ll break kitty’s elegant neck.”
“He’s bluffing, Vince.”
“I’m sure you’re right, Florin.”
“Am I, or aren’t I? Anyone want to place bets? And you, my dear, will stop throwing your voice. I can’t tolerate attention-seeking children.”
“Is that so?” said the sporran before he could stop himself.
Grimshaw viewed Sandy through narrowed eyes. “That really is very good, you know, but I stand by what I said. One more word and you’ll be a finely chopped pile of mince at my feet.”
"You can’t, Pigsblanket. We won’t let you.” Pongo was agitated and didn’t care who knew it. “What exactly did Sandy say, Peg?”
“You mean to Mr Grimshaw?”
“I do wish I’d been there,” said Gilbert twiddling his whiskers. “What a wonderful put-down.”
“She won’t let you give yourself up, no way.”
“That’s Sandy for you,” said Leo shaking his head, “very determined.”
The cabin boy’s cheerful confidence had melted away and he looked small and frightened. “That doesn’t change anything. Once Grimshaw’s mind’s made up there’s no shifting him, particularly when he’s been drinking. I better get up there before he goes berserk.”
Pongo placed his paw on Pigsblanket’s arm to restrain him. “Don’t be so hasty, Sandy’ll think of something. After all, she can’t come to any real harm in Sylvania.”
“I’m not willing to take that risk.”
Leo had grown close to the boy during their short acquaintance. He jumped onto his lap. “He’ll kill you. Please stay here with us.”
“Listen to my wee pal,” pleaded the rat. “He’s no fool and I should know. He’s kept me out of trouble even though I’ve unwittingly gone out of my way to thwart him.”
Pigsblanket’s tone was flat and his shoulders sagged like a tired old mattress. “I’m sure it won’t come to that.”
“Say it like you mean it.” Pongo was sick with anxiety for his friend. “Look at Conchita, she’s frozen with fear. You can’t desert her.”
“Great Scot, Pigsblanket, there he is! He’s dangling Jamie by the collar.” The Giant Rat had the ridiculous desire to hide his head under the cloak. If he couldn’t see the buccaneer, then maybe the brute wasn’t really there. A childish reaction, but compelling nonetheless.
“It’s your choice, Pigsbreath!” bawled the pirate. “I’ll throttle this fancy kitty if you don’t get yourself up here at once. And bring the resurrected parrot. I’ve unfinished business with her too.”
Sandy gestured wildly at Pongo. As the boy reached for the ladder, the dog hurled himself into the air and knocked him into the harbour. Pongo hit Pigsblanket with such force he overshot and plunged into the sea as well.
“Ye gods, that mutt needs some discipline.” The buccaneer leant out over the gunnel. “You’ve all forfeited your freedom thanks to the dog’s unruly behaviour,” he yelled. “Get them up here right away, Leitzoff. Take as many men as you need but make it quick.”
“There isn’t time for that, Captain Grimshaw.” The voice was calm and authoritative.
Pestilence stepped back in surprise and collided with the sailors nearest him. They scrambled out of his way. “So you’ve deigned to join us at last, Mr Malahyde. Where have you been?”
“Trying to sail off into the sunrise ahead of the boarding party; the one that’s making its way across the harbour as we speak.”
“Why wasn’t I informed?”
“Consider yourself informed now,” he said in a glacial tone. “I’ll take the cat.”
“I’m perfectly capable of strangling a moggy, Jedediah.” Pestilence was expecting a deferential titter from the crew but they didn’t react, they were too busy watching the First Mate. The air was heavy with tension.
Pestilence tightened his hold on Jamie’s collar and swung him towards Sandy. The cat’s eyes were closed and he hung limply. The buccaneer kicked her when she tried to put her hands under Jamie to support his weight. “Oh no, you don’t. You’re too late anyway. Poor puss. The dog’s next and then the others, one by one, and you get to watch every time. Are you still here, Leitzoff? If it’s a flogging you’re after, it’ll be my pleasure.”
Jedediah Malahyde squared up to the pirate captain. “We can do this the hard way or the easy way, it’s up to you. But, if you don’t unhand the cat, I’ll throttle you myself. Mr Leitzoff, I’m taking command of ‘The Cheeky Monkey’, do you have a problem with that?”
The Bosun had never been asked his opinion on anything quite so important before. He shuffled his feet and looked skywards for inspiration. His face brightened. “Seize him, men!”
“Bravo, Leitzoff! You’ve earned yourself a reprieve and a large tot of rum. I knew you’d have no stomach for mutiny.”
The crew were in no doubt what the Bosun had meant. They fell on Grimshaw who couldn’t believe what was happening to him. He dropped Jamie in the scuffle and they hoisted the buccaneer above their heads.
Leitzoff wiped the blood from his face with his shirt sleeve and gave a heartfelt salute.
“The men was wonderin’ what you’d like ’em to do with this nasty piece of work, Captain Malahyde.”
Sandy held Jamie in her arms while she watched the boarding party coming towards the brigantine. The cat had survived his dreadful ordeal, due in part to him having the presence of mind not to struggle. It had been a close call and Malahyde’s intervention had come just in the nick of time.
On Jedediah’s orders the Bosun raised the royal ensign over ‘The Cheeky Monkey’ with the full approval of the crew. It was time to go straight and, with Grimshaw removed, the men were eager to start over again.
Trencher Halibut left the galley and made a rare visit to the gundeck. The generously proportioned cook arrived with two apprentices in his wake carrying trays of fairy cakes soaked in rum.
“It seemed appropriate now that we’re working for Her Majesty,” he said when he noticed Jedediah’s raised eyebrow.
Grimshaw was under armed guard by the foremast. He was thoroughly disgusted and made his feelings plain. “You’ll be enrolling the men in country dancing classes next,” he scoffed.
“Now there’s an idea, Mr Leitzoff. Perhaps you’d like to look into that for me.”
“Right away, Cap’n Malahyde.” Jedediah started to laugh. “You’re pulling me leg. Sometimes I’m not too tightly wrapped.”
Cahoots watched the buccaneer from a safe distance.
“Where’s that mother of yours when I need her? To think I helped her escape. I must’ve been soft in the head.”
“Minxie’s heading this way and she looks well pleased with herself,” said the dragon bursting with excitement.
“That’s all I need and pray tell me when she isn’t full of herself?” His eyes followed the wazwatt as she banked and headed straight for him.
“Party hats all round,” she yelled, looping the loop. “Maligna’s been defeated.” She turned an aerial cartwheel and knocked Grimshaw’s feathered tricorn from his head. “Oops! Careless little me.”
“I don’t know what you’re so pleased about. I thought you were on the Harpie’s side,” he called after her.
“Heavens, no. What in Sylvania gave you that idea?” She landed on Leitzoff’s bristly pate and dodged out of the way when he made a playful grab for her.
“You acted as our go-between. She trusted you, as did I, even though you’re an exasperating, jumped-up know-all. I really believed you were on our side.”
“That’s what you were supposed to think,” she said, treading air. “I make a good double agent.”
Cahoots was practically beside himself. “But Minxie, what’s happened to mother? She’s not dead, is she?”
“Most definitely not, but I think it’s time you and I had a wee chat. You didn’t really think that old sea dog was your uncle, did you?”
“Uh-huh. Why shouldn’t he be?”
“Jings! This is going to be more difficult than I thought. My approach from now on is going to be more pragmatic.”
“Prag-what-ic?”
The wazwatt giggled. “That word’s too advanced, methinks. Let me simplify things for you while we take a spin round the deck.”
The Commander of the Queen’s Imps-at-arms spoke briefly to Pigsblanket and Pongo before he agreed to let them go. He ordered two of his unit to stay with the rowing boat and, with Sandy and Jamie safely installed, gave the order to row ashore.
“Hey, wait for us!”
Gilbert looked quizzically at Leo. “I didn’t say a word.”
“Over here!”
Pongo barked enthusiastically. “Lorimer, Samphire, how the devil are you?”
Sandy leant out of the boat and whisked the lobster out of the harbour with Samphire clinging to his tail.
“That was some display,” she said. “Did you catch any of it down below?”
“You betcha. We saw the whole thing. You two have a future on the stage.”
Samphire laughed coyly. “I wouldn’t go that far, Pongo.”
“Well I would, my dear, you were superb.”
“Thank you, Gilbert,” she said flicking her hair over her shoulder with studied carelessness.
“What puzzles me, though,” said Leo, “is how you came by that fantastic glittery costume.”
“You mean this boring old bathing suit? I had it on anyway, it’s part of my day wear collection.”
The gull hopped towards the lobster. “Perhaps the Bosun might fancy you for his dinner after all? I could make enquiries, if you like.”
“Very amusing, but Mr Leitzoff wouldn’t dream of eating me now. We’re good pals.”
Peg landed beside the cabin boy. “I nearly forgot to pass on the message from Captain Malahyde. He was wondering if you’d care to take up a new position on ‘The Cheeky Monkey’? Now that he’s in overall charge he’s very much in need of a First Mate. Would you be interested?”
The boy stopped rowing. “Are you serious?”
“I’d never joke about something like that. If you give me your answer, I’ll fly back and tell him.”
“He say ‘yes, pleeze’.” For a moment Sandy thought ‘Bandolero’ had materialised out of thin air to perform a celebratory Mexican hat dance.
Pigsblanket recognised the Spanish accent immediately and whooped with pleasure that the parrot had finally broken her long silence. “Chita’s got it in one. Tell Captain Malahyde it would be an honour to serve under him.”
Pongo erupted with pent-up emotion and went twice round the rowing boat, neatly avoiding everyone, even though it was packed. He turned a faultless somersault and landed in front of the parrot. “I didn’t know you spoke Spanish.”
“With a name like that, what did you expect, Norwegian?”
“Very droll, Jamie. I see you’re well on the way to being your old self again. That throttling hasn’t made you any less outspoken.” The dog leant towards the parrot. “Gato arrogante y sarcástico,” he said, pointing at the Siamese cat.
“Muy bien, Señor Pongo,” she replied, winking at Jamie.
“You’re not wrong, Conchita, my Spanish is very good.” The dog’s eyes twinkled. “Perhaps you would take me through some irregular verbs when you have a spare moment. I’m finding some of them rather tricky.”
Celestina found Feya in a chair by a window in the infirmary. Her sister stared blankly into the middle distance. She was dressed in black silk. The choice of colour had been Feya’s own.
She turned to face Celestina. “Do I know you? You’re very familiar.”
“I’m your sister,” said the Queen choking with emotion. “Don’t you remember our conversation on the beach earlier?”
“No.” Her eyes slid away from Celestina. “Would you like some tea? Perhaps your mother might care to join us.”
“Our mother’s dead, Feya.”
“What a shame. We could have had such a nice chat. Some other time, perhaps.”
The Royal Raven could see how distressed Celestina was. She flew to the Queen’s side. “Don’t put yourself through any more today. It’s so dreadfully upsetting.”
A nurse knocked on the open door and stepped into the room. “Excuse me, Your Majesty, the doctor would like a word.”
“Matricide is a vile crime. The shock of discovering who she really is and what she’s done has turned her mind. Your twin sister may have come from the dark side, Your Majesty, but that’s of little significance now. The Harpie dined long and well on the evil that was Feya and what is left is little more than the outer shell; a blank canvas, if you like.”
The young doctor got up from behind his desk and threw his notes to one side. “Picture an artist painting with watercolours in the rain. An unlikely scenario, I grant you,” he added in response to Indigoletta’s doubtful look, “but bear with me. Each brushstroke lasts for a fleeting second before it is washed away leaving the merest trace of what it might have become. The curve of a shoulder, perhaps, or the bloom on a peach. Feya’s short-term memory is like that, probably for evermore.” He faltered, briefly mistaking the Royal Raven’s intense stare for disdain rather than rapt attention.
“Do go on,” she said.
“There’s not much more to say, I’m afraid. The creature sitting in the other room has no identity. Maligna has abandoned her in search of new prey and Feya herself exists in name only. With the evil gone, there’s nothing left.”
“How pitiful.” Celestina was scarcely audible but she quickly recovered herself and the confident authority came to the fore again. “I will look after my sister. She’s completely harmless now and I must do what I can to make her feel secure and comfortable.”
“Can you really forgive her?”
“I have to, Indigoletta. She is a victim of her own destiny.”
